I've been on a cleaning frenzy for the last two days. Normally cleaning is foreign to me. I've always been bad at it but even more so since Mama Park (aka my cleaning lady) moved in a few years ago. So I'm not sure why these sudden urges to clean and organize. Yesterday I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards. Today I cleaned out the coat/shoe closet, re-organized all my gift bags, gift wrap and plastic bags and afterwards I cleaned out the freezer. So I'm not sure why my room is still such a dump. I've come to the conclusion it's very hard to keep my room clean because I have too much stuff in my small room. It doesn't help that everyday this week I've been shopping and buying Christmas gifts so now it looks like a department store after a crazy midnight madness sale. Tomorrow I may tackle the laundry/linen closet. I guess this is the kind of stuff you occupy yourself with when you have no work, hence the reason why Mama Park cleans so frequently. My life is starting to mimic that of a retiree. Or maybe I should stop drinking coffee at night, a habit I've formed since I have no reason to sleep early and nothing to get up for in the morning except lunch.
Today was the Dole Club's first transborder meeting aka road trip to the States. The purpose was to buy food for our catering gig and do some christmas shopping. As per our usual M.O., we disappeared into the abyss known as Kohls, lingered for too long and emerged much poorer than when we entered. Then we hit the Old Country Buffet. It's no Le Croc but you can't go wrong for $7.49. After that, Target for some more gifts and food items I did not need. Next, we hit Costco for dairy and meat and finally, our beloved Trader Joe's, a co-op store with an impressive array of specialty foods for a really good price. We picked up some cheeses and other party essentials, along with quite a few non-essential items that tempted us as we perused the enticing aisles. I don't know what it is about Trader Joe's but I find it so fascinating. All the items are so intriguing you just want to throw everything in your grocery cart. For all that perusing, I actually only spent $5 on myself. Perhaps it's because I was having buyer's remorse after dropping $280 at the previous stores before we hit Trader Joe's. But then I consoled myself by telling myself I'm almost done my Christmas shopping for the year and I'm using free money because I'm getting that $300 visa card for switching my internet and cable to Telus. So all in all, a very successful first attempt at a transborder meeting for the Dole Club except when the U.S. border guard gave us a hard time about being unemployed, asking us if we should be looking for a job instead of shopping. Asshole. I shouldn't have said I was unemployed. Unfortunately it started a spiral and like dominos falling on top of each other, one by one we had to admit we were unemployed. We should have just said we belong to a Dole Club and so what of it. Next time, we just say we're employed at LifeScan. End of story...unless we get the same miserable border guard again.
Tomorrow I'm on the hunt for duck breast and those elusive ingredients to make gluten free pasta. With the high cost of duck and the difficulty finding a supplier, I'm beginning to think it was a bad choice to offer for the F&L Gift Exchange dinner. Oh well, too late to turn back now. We've already taken everyone's orders. It'll be an interesting trip to China town tomorrow. I haven't shopped at China town in years. I better google the Chinese word for duck lest my adventure becomes more humorous fodder for tomorrow's blog entry.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
DC meeting in the US of A
Thanks to LFS, the Dole Club was able to have another "meeting" down in the greatest country in the world, the US of A. Even though it was a weekday, there was still a minimal wait to cross the border, most likely due to Canadian shoppers looking for some deals. We were heading down to do some Christmas shopping, and to get some of the ingredients for our catering gig next for the F&L gift exchange. thanks to our recent unemployment we got grilled by the ahole US border guard, who wanted to know why we were shopping instead of looking for a job, even after I explained that 2/3 of us weren't on EI yet. I hate those border pigs. They are always trying to make you squirm, even though all we wanted to do was spend our hard earned severance keeping their sinking economy going.
Our first stop was Bellis Fair, where we made the same mistake we always do by spending too much time in Kohl's hemming and hawing over whether we should purchase the item or do some comparison shopping first. I ended up with some good deals but by the time we were done, over an hour had passed and it was time for lunch. When you're in a different locale, do as the locals do. And we all know the Americans love their buffet, so we headed over to a "slight;y dirty" buffet. We knew the food wouldn't be top quality, but there would be variety, it would be fast, we would be able to eat vast quantities, and best of all, it was $7.99.
40 minutes later, we all had stuffed ourselves to the gills with an assortment of fried chicken, meat that seemed a little too tender, salad bar, cottage cheese, pastas, and desserts and we rolled ourselves out to continue our quest. Next destination: Target. We had to be focused, so we concentrated on the toy area and found some good bargains, but I was pleased to see that the sale items I had bought at Kohl's was a better bargain. I alson ran into a manager with LFS, who was spending the weekend down in the US. We chatted briefly before we hit that awkward pause.
I spent most of my money in the food aisles due to a sale on their Cheetos. My mom loves this flavour that she says is only carried in the US so I spent $15 on cheetos! Merry Christmas Mom!
We finished up at Bellis Fair where we started by going back to Kohl's. Spark informed me that one of the toys I had bought in the morning was now an additional 15%! So of course in true cheap Chinese fashion, I returned the toys and re-bought them. The funny thing is that with the exchange on the Visa, I am sure I actually will not have saved very much money with thie transaction.
Looking at the clock, we knew we were running out of time and we still hadn't bought any food yet. We quickly rushed to Costco and successfully purchased the items we were able to and got out of there quite quickly. This then left our last stop - Trader Joe's. For such a small store, we sure spent some time in there. There are lots of great gluten-free items to comb through, so most of my purchases were for the hubby.
Last stop was for some gas and Starbucks and 3 satisfied, albeit slightly more broke girls crossed back into what is actually the greatest country in the world. Especially since we weren't charged any duty!
Only slight sting to the day was logging into FB in the evening and seeing some posts from a former colleague about the team building event they had today. Something Spark and I would have enjoyed - a cooking class. But Spark says it best...one day at Dirty Apron isn't going to make up for the years of torture ahead of all of those asswipes. Well-put indeed. So take your delicious looking macaroons and shove it...we don't want them. (Well maybe I would. I love macaroons).
Our first stop was Bellis Fair, where we made the same mistake we always do by spending too much time in Kohl's hemming and hawing over whether we should purchase the item or do some comparison shopping first. I ended up with some good deals but by the time we were done, over an hour had passed and it was time for lunch. When you're in a different locale, do as the locals do. And we all know the Americans love their buffet, so we headed over to a "slight;y dirty" buffet. We knew the food wouldn't be top quality, but there would be variety, it would be fast, we would be able to eat vast quantities, and best of all, it was $7.99.
40 minutes later, we all had stuffed ourselves to the gills with an assortment of fried chicken, meat that seemed a little too tender, salad bar, cottage cheese, pastas, and desserts and we rolled ourselves out to continue our quest. Next destination: Target. We had to be focused, so we concentrated on the toy area and found some good bargains, but I was pleased to see that the sale items I had bought at Kohl's was a better bargain. I alson ran into a manager with LFS, who was spending the weekend down in the US. We chatted briefly before we hit that awkward pause.
I spent most of my money in the food aisles due to a sale on their Cheetos. My mom loves this flavour that she says is only carried in the US so I spent $15 on cheetos! Merry Christmas Mom!
We finished up at Bellis Fair where we started by going back to Kohl's. Spark informed me that one of the toys I had bought in the morning was now an additional 15%! So of course in true cheap Chinese fashion, I returned the toys and re-bought them. The funny thing is that with the exchange on the Visa, I am sure I actually will not have saved very much money with thie transaction.
Looking at the clock, we knew we were running out of time and we still hadn't bought any food yet. We quickly rushed to Costco and successfully purchased the items we were able to and got out of there quite quickly. This then left our last stop - Trader Joe's. For such a small store, we sure spent some time in there. There are lots of great gluten-free items to comb through, so most of my purchases were for the hubby.
Last stop was for some gas and Starbucks and 3 satisfied, albeit slightly more broke girls crossed back into what is actually the greatest country in the world. Especially since we weren't charged any duty!
Only slight sting to the day was logging into FB in the evening and seeing some posts from a former colleague about the team building event they had today. Something Spark and I would have enjoyed - a cooking class. But Spark says it best...one day at Dirty Apron isn't going to make up for the years of torture ahead of all of those asswipes. Well-put indeed. So take your delicious looking macaroons and shove it...we don't want them. (Well maybe I would. I love macaroons).
Monday, December 3, 2012
G dawg: And let there be light!
I can understand why renovations can be such a stressful thing for couples. We barely got a taste of it last night with something as basic as putting up a chandelier and it almost ended in an explosion, and not from an incorrect installation.
So it must of been a record for us - we only bought the chandelier a week ago and we actually installed it yesterday afternoon. Normally it would sit in the box on our living room floor for about 10 months until it became a side table and blends into the environment so that no-one even notices it's out of place anymore. So while the kids were sleeping, I roped LP into the installation. Youtube videos made it seem like it was going to be fairly easy. Of course we had a few missteps requiring us to redo our work and start over from scratch. It also wasn't easy supporting the weight of the light perched on top of the dining room table while LP attached wires. After a few botched tries on what we were supposed to do, LP realized the time and that he needed to get ready for his track banquet and said we should finish tomorrow. Of course everything was everywhere and we wouldn't have a working light, so I was fustrated. I asked LP if he remembered how the original light was hanging when he detached it, as we would simply need to recreate it with the new light. I also texted our Chinese friend C to see if he had time to drop over and help me finish the job.
Sensing my fustration, LP came back to help me finish the light, and subsuquently was late for the banquet. He was fustrated with me for reaching out to C and that I was obviously mad at him when I barged into the bathroom to ask him to remember how the original fixture hung.
Anyway, our arguments are usually short-lived. The chandelier was hung properly, LP dashed off to the banquet and now we are finally rid of the 1970s chandelier that we have wanted to change ever since we moved here 5 years ago. Speaking of which, I posted the old chandelier to give away on craigslist for free and within an hour, I had about 10 people respond to it. However the lady that said she would pick it up by noon has not come yet to pick it up. I wonder if she had a better look at the picture of the light and figured that even hoarders have hard limits.
Today was a bit of a lazy day. Since LP came home really late from his outing last night, we had to start the day by picking up his car which he left on the street near Gilmore Station. We picked up the car and headed to Still Creek MacDonalds for some breaky. It felt strange being in the ex -work hood considering how long I have been commuting to Still Creek Drive. The funny thing was when LP asked where the closest MacD's was, I thought of Brentwood and then the Hastings Gamma location before I remembered the Still Creek location. Must be a protective brain measure to block out thinsg related to our former place of employment.
After breakfast, LP was so tired that he wanted to take a nap at 12:30. I guilted him out of it and told him if he's going to drink, then he needs to be able to stay up until the kids' naptime. However to his credit he didn't end up napping all day.
I attempted to get some Christmas gifts but it was a pseudo bust. I did pick up a few things here and there and returned that DVD to Walmart, which was crazy busy!! I vow not to return to any mall on the weekends and will have to try and get all my shopping done during work hours.
And lastly, we ended up booking a last minute trip to Vegas. I really wanted to go, but wasn't thrilled about it, considering my economic uncertainty and the fact that we are going to San Diego at the end of the year. However the flights and hotel are really cheap and I didn't want to miss out on the fun if LP was going down solo and meeting up with Josh, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and do it. Besides it has been over a year since we took a vacation just the two of us. I really wish you'd come though Spark but get that maybe it's not the best idea. Thank you though for making the trip possible by you having to watch the munchkins. I will lay a bet down for you. Roulette OK? tell me if you want red or black.
So it must of been a record for us - we only bought the chandelier a week ago and we actually installed it yesterday afternoon. Normally it would sit in the box on our living room floor for about 10 months until it became a side table and blends into the environment so that no-one even notices it's out of place anymore. So while the kids were sleeping, I roped LP into the installation. Youtube videos made it seem like it was going to be fairly easy. Of course we had a few missteps requiring us to redo our work and start over from scratch. It also wasn't easy supporting the weight of the light perched on top of the dining room table while LP attached wires. After a few botched tries on what we were supposed to do, LP realized the time and that he needed to get ready for his track banquet and said we should finish tomorrow. Of course everything was everywhere and we wouldn't have a working light, so I was fustrated. I asked LP if he remembered how the original light was hanging when he detached it, as we would simply need to recreate it with the new light. I also texted our Chinese friend C to see if he had time to drop over and help me finish the job.
Sensing my fustration, LP came back to help me finish the light, and subsuquently was late for the banquet. He was fustrated with me for reaching out to C and that I was obviously mad at him when I barged into the bathroom to ask him to remember how the original fixture hung.
Anyway, our arguments are usually short-lived. The chandelier was hung properly, LP dashed off to the banquet and now we are finally rid of the 1970s chandelier that we have wanted to change ever since we moved here 5 years ago. Speaking of which, I posted the old chandelier to give away on craigslist for free and within an hour, I had about 10 people respond to it. However the lady that said she would pick it up by noon has not come yet to pick it up. I wonder if she had a better look at the picture of the light and figured that even hoarders have hard limits.
Today was a bit of a lazy day. Since LP came home really late from his outing last night, we had to start the day by picking up his car which he left on the street near Gilmore Station. We picked up the car and headed to Still Creek MacDonalds for some breaky. It felt strange being in the ex -work hood considering how long I have been commuting to Still Creek Drive. The funny thing was when LP asked where the closest MacD's was, I thought of Brentwood and then the Hastings Gamma location before I remembered the Still Creek location. Must be a protective brain measure to block out thinsg related to our former place of employment.
After breakfast, LP was so tired that he wanted to take a nap at 12:30. I guilted him out of it and told him if he's going to drink, then he needs to be able to stay up until the kids' naptime. However to his credit he didn't end up napping all day.
I attempted to get some Christmas gifts but it was a pseudo bust. I did pick up a few things here and there and returned that DVD to Walmart, which was crazy busy!! I vow not to return to any mall on the weekends and will have to try and get all my shopping done during work hours.
And lastly, we ended up booking a last minute trip to Vegas. I really wanted to go, but wasn't thrilled about it, considering my economic uncertainty and the fact that we are going to San Diego at the end of the year. However the flights and hotel are really cheap and I didn't want to miss out on the fun if LP was going down solo and meeting up with Josh, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and do it. Besides it has been over a year since we took a vacation just the two of us. I really wish you'd come though Spark but get that maybe it's not the best idea. Thank you though for making the trip possible by you having to watch the munchkins. I will lay a bet down for you. Roulette OK? tell me if you want red or black.
Sparky's Journey - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of PVR
PVR can be a godsend and a curse both at the same time. Everyone says it's a time saver, fast-forwarding through commercials and watching your recorded programs on your own time but I now have so many more things to watch in the middle of the night. I find myself PVRing anything and everything. You name it, I'll record it. Plus with the promo offer of free movie channels for the next few months, every minute of every day could be spent watching something at least semi- interesting on the old boob tube. Thinking of ways to make and save money has now been put on the back burner for staring at the TV guide studiously trying to figure out what channels I have and watching old episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, Fraser, NCIS, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist etc,. In fact, I'm watching an old episode of The Mentalist right now. Why am I so obsessive?
My other latest obsession, next to PVR, is coming up with the perfect recipe for gluten free homemade pasta. I even bought a $20 pasta maker this weekend. I've never found any gluten-free pasta that tastes like the real deal. I always thought the person who comes up a perfect gluten-free replica of flour pasta will become a billionaire. And why can't that be me? Dare to dream right? But why is it so hard to find garbanzo flava flour, cheap psyllium husk powder and millet flour? I suppose it's a lesson in fortitude (or some might say, reality) that I'm desperately in need of like all those sayings: "Nothing good comes easy." "There's no such thing as easy money." blah blah blah. I suppose all inventors and game changers had to overcome such road blocks before inventing their 'perfect pasta'. Unfortunately I suspect this ingredient challenge will be the easiest of my road blocks down this path. If this is anything like my past projects, it could end like most other things - bags of leftover product that go to waste and no finished item to speak of but this time I have one thing on my side that I haven't had in the past and that's time, time to invent the perfect gluten-free pasta or whatever else I choose to dabble in. Maybe this isn't the final path I'm meant to take but as long as all roads lead to finding that path then I'm okay with a little dabbling, some failures and hopefully at the end, a lot of success.
Tomorrow we go to Edible Canada, a specialty food store like Meinhart's, in Granville Island to look for some Christmas gifts. Maybe I can successfully knock off road block #1 by finding the ingredients for the gluten-free pasta recipe. Se Dio Vuole (that's 'God willing' in Italian, according to google).
My other latest obsession, next to PVR, is coming up with the perfect recipe for gluten free homemade pasta. I even bought a $20 pasta maker this weekend. I've never found any gluten-free pasta that tastes like the real deal. I always thought the person who comes up a perfect gluten-free replica of flour pasta will become a billionaire. And why can't that be me? Dare to dream right? But why is it so hard to find garbanzo flava flour, cheap psyllium husk powder and millet flour? I suppose it's a lesson in fortitude (or some might say, reality) that I'm desperately in need of like all those sayings: "Nothing good comes easy." "There's no such thing as easy money." blah blah blah. I suppose all inventors and game changers had to overcome such road blocks before inventing their 'perfect pasta'. Unfortunately I suspect this ingredient challenge will be the easiest of my road blocks down this path. If this is anything like my past projects, it could end like most other things - bags of leftover product that go to waste and no finished item to speak of but this time I have one thing on my side that I haven't had in the past and that's time, time to invent the perfect gluten-free pasta or whatever else I choose to dabble in. Maybe this isn't the final path I'm meant to take but as long as all roads lead to finding that path then I'm okay with a little dabbling, some failures and hopefully at the end, a lot of success.
Tomorrow we go to Edible Canada, a specialty food store like Meinhart's, in Granville Island to look for some Christmas gifts. Maybe I can successfully knock off road block #1 by finding the ingredients for the gluten-free pasta recipe. Se Dio Vuole (that's 'God willing' in Italian, according to google).
Saturday, December 1, 2012
G Dawg's tooth gauging
I think I may have found a new career based soley on earning potential. Before the Dole Club photo shoot yesterday, I had an endodontist appointment to try and figure out what was going on with my root canal gone bad. In my initial consultation, he mentioned he wouldn't know until he went in to see why my tooth had not responded to the first root canal. It could either be a crack, in which case he would need to remove the tooth, or it could be salvageable. He asked me how motivated I was to save it - which meant whether I would be prepared to fork over $$$ so I could try and retain the tooth, which might not even respond to treatment. In my 1 hour appointment, he figured out that the anatomy of this tooth was a bit different, which is why my dentist couldn't get all the root out. He completed the root canal and removed the remaining tissue, and put some antibiotic into the tooth before putting a temporary seal on it before my next 45 min appt in the new year to complete the job. The cost? $1430...half of which was paid yesterday. That is roughly over $700 an hour, for something that seemed like a fairly easy case. The only upside is that I think some of it will be covered under my remaining benefits and LP's benefits, but I won't know until I try and submit a claim for this, which I can't do until the job is complete.
Sparky and I spent the day looking for some new eyeglass frames for her. She didn't end up making a purchase yet, mainly because there were so many choices and we were trying to find the best deal. We also met up for some juicy buns with some peeps from our ex-work. It was CK's last day before a month-long well deserved vacation and KC came too, who happened to be both our bosses at one point or another. It's nice to keep in touch with our friends from the office and it almost makes it seem like we're still all together. Except when we don't have to rush back to the office for a 1 pm meeting.
Afterwards Sparky and I hung out at the office, researching menu ideas and grocery deals for our upcoming F&L gift exchange, which we are "catering" and doing some general interwebbing. I also talked to a recruiter who a co-worker passed along my info to for a position with a canned seafood company. Not sure how I feel about it, but I figure this is a good opportunity to work on getting my resume updated and practice interviewing, if I get that far. However, not that enthused about the prospect of job hunting quite yet - especially if this company is hoping to get their interviews completed by Christmas.
If all else fails, Sparky and I talked about bringing back the barter system to obtain the goods we need. "Oh Mr. Telus Man, I can't really pay you for the cable service this month...but I can offer you something in return..."
Sparky and I spent the day looking for some new eyeglass frames for her. She didn't end up making a purchase yet, mainly because there were so many choices and we were trying to find the best deal. We also met up for some juicy buns with some peeps from our ex-work. It was CK's last day before a month-long well deserved vacation and KC came too, who happened to be both our bosses at one point or another. It's nice to keep in touch with our friends from the office and it almost makes it seem like we're still all together. Except when we don't have to rush back to the office for a 1 pm meeting.
Afterwards Sparky and I hung out at the office, researching menu ideas and grocery deals for our upcoming F&L gift exchange, which we are "catering" and doing some general interwebbing. I also talked to a recruiter who a co-worker passed along my info to for a position with a canned seafood company. Not sure how I feel about it, but I figure this is a good opportunity to work on getting my resume updated and practice interviewing, if I get that far. However, not that enthused about the prospect of job hunting quite yet - especially if this company is hoping to get their interviews completed by Christmas.
If all else fails, Sparky and I talked about bringing back the barter system to obtain the goods we need. "Oh Mr. Telus Man, I can't really pay you for the cable service this month...but I can offer you something in return..."
Friday, November 30, 2012
Sparky's Journey - The Dole Club goes Glam
Our friend M, the photographer, gifted us with Photos by M for our birthdays this year. Being laid off, we no longer had a suitable excuse when she suggested we do our photo shoots this week. We decided to make it a Dole Club photo shoot with me, G and C. I was stressed out because she asked us to bring a variety of wardrobes which to me meant casual t-shirt versus formal t-shirt. Also, my facial expressions and body movements are awkward at best so I was somewhat dreading being put in front of a camera with a long lens while being directed to put my hands, feet and eyes in all different directions and give my most natural smile all at the same time. I hate to say it but I have a new respect for models. It turned out to be fun and not stressful at all, especially since M said we didn't have to do any dress changes during the shoot. Thankfully I wore my formal t-shirt out of the house. I don't know why but it felt a little cathartic to get glammed up and do the photo shoot. Maybe getting laid off was actually the best thing for us. People tell us it is but I haven't believed it until I looked at these photos. We all look so happy and refreshed.
I think they turned out pretty well. M sure knows how to use photo shop. What do you think? Here are the first official photos of the Dole Club. With these photos in hand, there's nowhere to go but up right??
I think they turned out pretty well. M sure knows how to use photo shop. What do you think? Here are the first official photos of the Dole Club. With these photos in hand, there's nowhere to go but up right??
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Sparky's J - There is a God and Miracles Do Exist!
The last few days I have been consumed with ways to 'make' money to save my home and support an even longer existence sans work. I've put some of my gift cards out for bid. I've contemplated making crafts to sell. I even contacted an old friend who sells things at bake/craft fairs to ask her how she does things. I've bundled some of my utilities to get a cheaper deal. I changed my car insurance policy to save $12 a month and I even went to the bank to sell some leftover foreign currency from the days when I could afford to go on faraway trips. 10 British pounds and 45,000 korean won equals almost $50. Hey that's at least a few lunches and lattes. I've been impressed with my creativity and wonder how much money I could have saved doing some of these cost cutting measures sooner. I'm wondering if there's a shower at the dance studio so I can use their water after Zumba class!
Yesterday I had my appointment with the debt counsellor. It didn't go exactly as I wanted it to. On the bright side, the lady said the amount of debt I have isn't too bad. On the flip side, she confirmed I pay too much for housing and transportation and therefore can never get my debt down. She kept saying, 'if you don't want to lose your house...'. It really scared me. She suggested a few things that I determined were not viable options: share a room with my Mom and rent the other room to a student, park my car and take transit, or make Mama P pay for some things. Her best suggestion was for me to call all my creditors and tell them I'd been laid off and need to reduce my monthly payments for awhile. She didn't recommend asking them to reduce the total remaining balance because it goes against my credit rating and I need a decent credit rating to re-negotiate my mortgage next April. I thought she could wave a magic wand and fix all my problems. I should know better than to think life is that easy. They do have formal debt programs where they do all they legwork and make the calls for you but they cost money and seeing as how I'm trying to save a dollar here and there, I'm not going to pay someone to make a few phone calls for me, no matter how much I hate talking to the man. Needless to say, I was a little down yesterday but after a sweaty session of Zumba with G and another friend, R, I felt ready to tackle those calls the next day. P.S. G, I totally know the lady you're talking about and I think she's CHINESE not Korean. She definitely needs a lot of space with her huge dance gestures. She has no rhythm and makes me laugh but I commend her for dancing like nobody's watching. It's a rare thing in life.
So today I had planned to make those dreaded phone calls but ended up running errands instead. On my way out of the house, I ran into my aunt who was just coming over to have lunch with Mama P. As soon as she came in the door, she took an envelope out of her purse and handed to me, telling me to read it when I was at work to which I said that I didn't have any work to go to. She ignored me and started chatting with Mama P so I just left to run my errands. Later when I opened the envelope, there was a cheque and a note that said she wanted to help me with my mortgage! I called her later to say I could not accept the cheque. She said she had no idea that I had been laid off when she gave me the envelope and that she had just found out while having lunch with Mama P. She said I couldn't turn the money down because it was a sign from God. How could I argue with that? The money won't fix all my problems but it will keep me afloat for a couple more months. The money is an amazingly generous gesture but the real miracle is the gift of time that this money has afforded me, time to figure out exactly how I want to reinvent myself in my next life, without having to take a job I don't want to because I have to. I can't believe just as I was losing hope that I could be so blessed by this miracle. I will be paying God back for this one for a long time to come:)
After running my errands and with my small winfall in the back of my mind, I celebrated...just a bit by going to T&T and buying myself everything I felt like eating. I know it's not really a celebration but it's not often I throw caution to the wind and buy whatever I want without calculating in my head how much everything is going to cost. So it was a good feeling. And the celebration still goes on as I am sitting here typing and eating the bbq pork I bought.
Well, it's almost 2am and I have to get up 'early' (as in 10am) for my date with the PVR guy. So excited I don't know if I can sleep! By tomorrow night, I will have joined the 21st century! We are in the 21st century aren't we? I should google that. Night.
Yesterday I had my appointment with the debt counsellor. It didn't go exactly as I wanted it to. On the bright side, the lady said the amount of debt I have isn't too bad. On the flip side, she confirmed I pay too much for housing and transportation and therefore can never get my debt down. She kept saying, 'if you don't want to lose your house...'. It really scared me. She suggested a few things that I determined were not viable options: share a room with my Mom and rent the other room to a student, park my car and take transit, or make Mama P pay for some things. Her best suggestion was for me to call all my creditors and tell them I'd been laid off and need to reduce my monthly payments for awhile. She didn't recommend asking them to reduce the total remaining balance because it goes against my credit rating and I need a decent credit rating to re-negotiate my mortgage next April. I thought she could wave a magic wand and fix all my problems. I should know better than to think life is that easy. They do have formal debt programs where they do all they legwork and make the calls for you but they cost money and seeing as how I'm trying to save a dollar here and there, I'm not going to pay someone to make a few phone calls for me, no matter how much I hate talking to the man. Needless to say, I was a little down yesterday but after a sweaty session of Zumba with G and another friend, R, I felt ready to tackle those calls the next day. P.S. G, I totally know the lady you're talking about and I think she's CHINESE not Korean. She definitely needs a lot of space with her huge dance gestures. She has no rhythm and makes me laugh but I commend her for dancing like nobody's watching. It's a rare thing in life.
So today I had planned to make those dreaded phone calls but ended up running errands instead. On my way out of the house, I ran into my aunt who was just coming over to have lunch with Mama P. As soon as she came in the door, she took an envelope out of her purse and handed to me, telling me to read it when I was at work to which I said that I didn't have any work to go to. She ignored me and started chatting with Mama P so I just left to run my errands. Later when I opened the envelope, there was a cheque and a note that said she wanted to help me with my mortgage! I called her later to say I could not accept the cheque. She said she had no idea that I had been laid off when she gave me the envelope and that she had just found out while having lunch with Mama P. She said I couldn't turn the money down because it was a sign from God. How could I argue with that? The money won't fix all my problems but it will keep me afloat for a couple more months. The money is an amazingly generous gesture but the real miracle is the gift of time that this money has afforded me, time to figure out exactly how I want to reinvent myself in my next life, without having to take a job I don't want to because I have to. I can't believe just as I was losing hope that I could be so blessed by this miracle. I will be paying God back for this one for a long time to come:)
After running my errands and with my small winfall in the back of my mind, I celebrated...just a bit by going to T&T and buying myself everything I felt like eating. I know it's not really a celebration but it's not often I throw caution to the wind and buy whatever I want without calculating in my head how much everything is going to cost. So it was a good feeling. And the celebration still goes on as I am sitting here typing and eating the bbq pork I bought.
Well, it's almost 2am and I have to get up 'early' (as in 10am) for my date with the PVR guy. So excited I don't know if I can sleep! By tomorrow night, I will have joined the 21st century! We are in the 21st century aren't we? I should google that. Night.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Spending money while not spending money
Another start to the work week...wait, I mean another start to a week. Because of a lack of a computer other than the iPad, and using LP's computer after he goes to bed, I have been turning in around 2 every night and it is starting to catch up with me. Even though I don't have to wake up for work, I do have to drive the boys to school, so it's not much of a sleep-in. And because I am so tired in the morning, I don't even hear the boys in the morning and it's always a mad dash out the door.
Today was no exception. After rushing them off to school, I was too wired to go back down for a nap so I did some housework and got ready for lunch with Young Grasshopper, the Trade co-op. CK and the Chinese Guy decided to join him, and we met at this French bistro I didn't even know existed, even though I have driven by it a million times. Grasshopper and I shared a lamb baguette and the bourgignon baguette, with French onion soup. It was delicious and a great find! And Grasshopper wouldn't let me pay but I told him I'll need to pay next time. When a co-op fights for the bill from you, that's when you know you need to find another job!
After that it was time for some errand running. First stop was Costco to get a few items. Near the meat section I noticed a girl that I think used to work at LFS. She was only there for about less than a year and this was before I joined Marketing. She didn't recognize me, but I stalked her for away to confirm if it was her. She is just as skinny as she was when she worked at LFS. I wondered if it was a sign - running into someone who used to work there. However I couldn't muster the courage to talk to her, since she didn't seem to recognize me.
Then it was off to Hagensborg Chocolate to spend a groupon I had purchased prior to D Day. It was quite the satisfaction to buy $50 worth of chocolates for $6 which was the tax. Sure, I had paid the $25 for it at one point, but it seems like so long ago that it almost seemed like free today. Last stop was Price Smart, where I had to get a few things for dinner plus score a few great finds from the clearance section. I used a $10 gift card I got from the other night with a promotion where you had to spend $35 to get the gift card. I am one step away from extreme couponing. Please, please stop me when I start buying 34 bottles of pop...
I capped off the night with some Zumba with Sparky and our ex-colleague RS. For some reason, it seemed even more difficult tonight. That Asian girl (Korean I think?) in the front row cracks me up. She knows all the moves and performs them with quite the gusto. She's very tall and her lankiness plus her loose body going all crazy make me laugh. I'm sure that's what I probably look like too.
And that's how you spend all day when you don't have to work. Another milestone - I signed the severance agreement today. I guess this is officially it. Sigh.
Today was no exception. After rushing them off to school, I was too wired to go back down for a nap so I did some housework and got ready for lunch with Young Grasshopper, the Trade co-op. CK and the Chinese Guy decided to join him, and we met at this French bistro I didn't even know existed, even though I have driven by it a million times. Grasshopper and I shared a lamb baguette and the bourgignon baguette, with French onion soup. It was delicious and a great find! And Grasshopper wouldn't let me pay but I told him I'll need to pay next time. When a co-op fights for the bill from you, that's when you know you need to find another job!
After that it was time for some errand running. First stop was Costco to get a few items. Near the meat section I noticed a girl that I think used to work at LFS. She was only there for about less than a year and this was before I joined Marketing. She didn't recognize me, but I stalked her for away to confirm if it was her. She is just as skinny as she was when she worked at LFS. I wondered if it was a sign - running into someone who used to work there. However I couldn't muster the courage to talk to her, since she didn't seem to recognize me.
Then it was off to Hagensborg Chocolate to spend a groupon I had purchased prior to D Day. It was quite the satisfaction to buy $50 worth of chocolates for $6 which was the tax. Sure, I had paid the $25 for it at one point, but it seems like so long ago that it almost seemed like free today. Last stop was Price Smart, where I had to get a few things for dinner plus score a few great finds from the clearance section. I used a $10 gift card I got from the other night with a promotion where you had to spend $35 to get the gift card. I am one step away from extreme couponing. Please, please stop me when I start buying 34 bottles of pop...
I capped off the night with some Zumba with Sparky and our ex-colleague RS. For some reason, it seemed even more difficult tonight. That Asian girl (Korean I think?) in the front row cracks me up. She knows all the moves and performs them with quite the gusto. She's very tall and her lankiness plus her loose body going all crazy make me laugh. I'm sure that's what I probably look like too.
And that's how you spend all day when you don't have to work. Another milestone - I signed the severance agreement today. I guess this is officially it. Sigh.
Monday, November 26, 2012
G Dawg - Retail therapy
They say retail therapy can help you feel better - if that's the case then since the lay-off I should be feeling G-REAT! However, there is a sense of slight panic although it's a bit irrational. Everything spent lately have been items we've been looking for, and I am still getting paid but I can't help feeling a bit guilty with the purchases and wondering if this will lead to homelessness or dumpster diving. I guess a large part of it was the car purchase!
Friday night we went for dinner with my mom and her neighbours. Their family has 2 sons, one of which is in L's class. At dinner, L asked the older boy if he behaved at school. Then L explained that he was asking because his younger brother always gets in trouble in his class. Right now he can get away with it because he is so tall and I think a lot of his classmates look up to him because of his size. Once he gets a bit older, he will probably start to get pounded for ratting out his classmates. The 2 boys are a bit rounder. In typical Asian parent fashion, Dad mentioned how the boys will probably end up as sumo wrestlers. Seriously I don't know how there aren't more Asian kids with eating disorders what with their relatives commenting on sizes of people without thinking it's rude.
On Saturday after hockey practice for L, I took the boys to ramen on Hastings. While we were in there, the radio mentioned that they were on location at Norburn Lighting, and that there was a no HST sale for today. We have been looking for a dining room light for awhile now, and just the other day we had looked through a flyer for that store and saw a chandelier we both liked before that was now on sale. So impulsively I took the boys there, which is not a good idea by the way. Boys running around wrestling each other in a lighting store is not a good idea. I saw a few lights I liked, but decided to just go with the one we had talked about and purchased it on the spot. Just like that, in 5 min, I was $400 poorer, with a chandelier in the back seat. It's actually a decent price, and no HST. That's one thing I was surprised at when we first started looking - chandeliers are not cheap! Now let's just see how long it takes us to put this thing up! I'll post up our old 1970's chandelier for free and see if anyone will take it off our hands as opposed to just throwing it out in the garbage.
Saturday night we dropped some more coin at our favorite restaurant, Le Crocodile. Thanks again for sitting the boys - we really appreciated it. We went with the 2 couples we normally go with, although I didn't know until 10 min before we left the house that the 2nd couple was coming too. With feeling a bit down, I would have preferred to just break the news to the first couple first, but it ended up as a very enjoyable evening. It did take a drink however to get into the spirit of it. And then by the time the foie gras brulee came to the table, I got onto the swing of things. The 2 ladies are great but are outside my league in terms of tastes. One girl loves bargain clothing like me, and we were both gushing about our blouse deals, both under $25. However she has a gazillion expensive handbags, and I'm not talking about Coach. The other lady is a stay at home mom, but her husband is very good with investments and she also has expensive taste. She turns her nose up at cheap and cheerful clothing, which I just don't understand. I don't think anyone needs to spend $75 on a t shirt. Anyway, both are always so immaculate that I feel a bit slovenly next to them. Their houses are beautiful, and always so neat too. Oh well, at least my kids are likely not to develop any allergies since they are exposed to dust,mites,and whatever else lives in pillows.
Today was a bit of a lazy day. We took the kids out for a bit and then the only thing I needed to do was get a birthday present for my mom. I decided to go to Queensborough Landing to take advantage of the Banana Republic Factory store. I am not sure why I have never been there! It's close and it was a great deal today. Everything was an additional 40% off so I ended up with 3 shirts and a pair of earrings for myself for $36! OK, sure clothes for myself were not supposed to be on the list, especially since I can't even justify that it's for work. I also picked up a couple dress shirts for LP that were a great deal..oh yeah, and of course some things for my mom. They are a bit random: a cute blazer, jersey wrap dress and a sweater but again, they were great deals so hopefully she likes them and they fit. But I am sure in true Asian fashion, I will be critiqued for something that may be wrong with what I've selected. "Ah, you shouldn't spend so much money! Do you think I can wear this colour? Ah, this dress shows my bulges!" Let's see what happens tomorrow when I drop off her gift. We were supposed to have dinner tonight but she forgot she had birthday plans with her friends. Hopefully we can re-schedule. I didn't want to suggest tomorrow night since I want to Zumba tomorrow.
And that was my weekend in a nut shell. (No, this is me in a nut shell. <<while miming me inside a nut shell>>)
Oh, and I watched the back half of some extreme couponing show - these ladies bought $670 worth of goods and ended up paying just over $40. This is what we should be doing. Who doesn't need 34 bottles of 2L pop or 90 boxes of Pringles, or a gazillion cans of pineapple? The only thing I saw that was useful in that cart was all the paper towels. Otherwise, you should not be buying all that other crap. And it took them about 8 hours in the grocery store!! That's crazy business.
It felt strange not to see you today, but tomorrow darling?
Friday night we went for dinner with my mom and her neighbours. Their family has 2 sons, one of which is in L's class. At dinner, L asked the older boy if he behaved at school. Then L explained that he was asking because his younger brother always gets in trouble in his class. Right now he can get away with it because he is so tall and I think a lot of his classmates look up to him because of his size. Once he gets a bit older, he will probably start to get pounded for ratting out his classmates. The 2 boys are a bit rounder. In typical Asian parent fashion, Dad mentioned how the boys will probably end up as sumo wrestlers. Seriously I don't know how there aren't more Asian kids with eating disorders what with their relatives commenting on sizes of people without thinking it's rude.
On Saturday after hockey practice for L, I took the boys to ramen on Hastings. While we were in there, the radio mentioned that they were on location at Norburn Lighting, and that there was a no HST sale for today. We have been looking for a dining room light for awhile now, and just the other day we had looked through a flyer for that store and saw a chandelier we both liked before that was now on sale. So impulsively I took the boys there, which is not a good idea by the way. Boys running around wrestling each other in a lighting store is not a good idea. I saw a few lights I liked, but decided to just go with the one we had talked about and purchased it on the spot. Just like that, in 5 min, I was $400 poorer, with a chandelier in the back seat. It's actually a decent price, and no HST. That's one thing I was surprised at when we first started looking - chandeliers are not cheap! Now let's just see how long it takes us to put this thing up! I'll post up our old 1970's chandelier for free and see if anyone will take it off our hands as opposed to just throwing it out in the garbage.
Saturday night we dropped some more coin at our favorite restaurant, Le Crocodile. Thanks again for sitting the boys - we really appreciated it. We went with the 2 couples we normally go with, although I didn't know until 10 min before we left the house that the 2nd couple was coming too. With feeling a bit down, I would have preferred to just break the news to the first couple first, but it ended up as a very enjoyable evening. It did take a drink however to get into the spirit of it. And then by the time the foie gras brulee came to the table, I got onto the swing of things. The 2 ladies are great but are outside my league in terms of tastes. One girl loves bargain clothing like me, and we were both gushing about our blouse deals, both under $25. However she has a gazillion expensive handbags, and I'm not talking about Coach. The other lady is a stay at home mom, but her husband is very good with investments and she also has expensive taste. She turns her nose up at cheap and cheerful clothing, which I just don't understand. I don't think anyone needs to spend $75 on a t shirt. Anyway, both are always so immaculate that I feel a bit slovenly next to them. Their houses are beautiful, and always so neat too. Oh well, at least my kids are likely not to develop any allergies since they are exposed to dust,mites,and whatever else lives in pillows.
Today was a bit of a lazy day. We took the kids out for a bit and then the only thing I needed to do was get a birthday present for my mom. I decided to go to Queensborough Landing to take advantage of the Banana Republic Factory store. I am not sure why I have never been there! It's close and it was a great deal today. Everything was an additional 40% off so I ended up with 3 shirts and a pair of earrings for myself for $36! OK, sure clothes for myself were not supposed to be on the list, especially since I can't even justify that it's for work. I also picked up a couple dress shirts for LP that were a great deal..oh yeah, and of course some things for my mom. They are a bit random: a cute blazer, jersey wrap dress and a sweater but again, they were great deals so hopefully she likes them and they fit. But I am sure in true Asian fashion, I will be critiqued for something that may be wrong with what I've selected. "Ah, you shouldn't spend so much money! Do you think I can wear this colour? Ah, this dress shows my bulges!" Let's see what happens tomorrow when I drop off her gift. We were supposed to have dinner tonight but she forgot she had birthday plans with her friends. Hopefully we can re-schedule. I didn't want to suggest tomorrow night since I want to Zumba tomorrow.
And that was my weekend in a nut shell. (No, this is me in a nut shell. <<while miming me inside a nut shell>>)
Oh, and I watched the back half of some extreme couponing show - these ladies bought $670 worth of goods and ended up paying just over $40. This is what we should be doing. Who doesn't need 34 bottles of 2L pop or 90 boxes of Pringles, or a gazillion cans of pineapple? The only thing I saw that was useful in that cart was all the paper towels. Otherwise, you should not be buying all that other crap. And it took them about 8 hours in the grocery store!! That's crazy business.
It felt strange not to see you today, but tomorrow darling?
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sparky's Journey - Feeling Somewhat Normal Today.
Dim Sum was a success. I didn't even have to order. Nor did we have to pay. It was nice, albeit sad, seeing everyone yesterday, especially knowing I probably won't see a lot of them ever again. Facebook will have to be how I keep connected to some. It's how the cool kids communicate these days anyways.
Today I finally sucked back my dread and unpacked all those daunting boxes and bags I brought home from the office last week. Why did I bring so much junk home? Was I trying to hoard my memories? As I started to throw one thing after another away, it reminded me that materials things don't equal memories. Throwing old stuff out was very carthartic. I felt good that I was de-cluttering my house and thus my life. So why does my room still look like a bomb went off in here? I guess the best analogy I can come up with is sometimes life has to get messy before it can get cleaned up. Or maybe I'm just a dirty pig. My Dad always said my room was like a garbage dump. I miss you Daddy. You'd know exactly what to do to comfort me, even when you didn't have words anymore.
I used the day not only to sift through my work stuff but also to clean out drawers and other boxes I still haven't unpacked after my move almost 5 years ago. I came across so many old unfinished craft projects. It got me thinking about all the possible ways I could re-invent myself. Here's what I came up with
1) jewelry: I have enough crystals and jewelry making supplies to start a Swarovski gift shop
2) Knitted scarves and hats and crochet doilies: Anyone need anything made of unknown fibers? I have enough yarn and needles of every size to last a life time.
3) Card maker
4) Slide show maker
5) Photos on coasters and canvasses
6) Etched candle holders
7) Needle point
Until now I completely forgot how much I used to love crafts. If I can't make a living out of these old craft materials, I can certainly make free Christmas and birthday gifts. They'll come in handy, especially this year. Maybe my work wife will also need a project to keep her hands busy.
On tomorrow's to do list:
1) Virtual church - gonna try the live stream sermon again. Love the fact that I can play online games and hang out in my pjs while listening to the sermon.
2) Part II of cleaning my garbage dump of a room
3) Clean car
4) Meeting with the original member of the Dole Club, C
5) Pick up M and R from Horseshoe Bay ferry terminal
6) Perfect the GangNam Style - I owe it to my fellow Koreans. Besides, what else do I have to do?
Feeling a little more normal today than I have been in the past week. I'm already starting to forget the horrible events of last Thursday, despite being slammed with another financial set back a couple of days ago. I'm not really comfortable talking about this but I think it's important for the blog to reflect true experiences and emotions even if i fear judgement. And when I get back on my feet, assuming I haven't acquired free room and board in the slammer for these financial 'oversights', I can look back at this as just another humorous stumble in the life of Sparky. So here's the quick and dirty. Without notice, my wages have been garnished for an unresolved debt I have with RBC. A settlement between the Supreme Court of BC and RBC was made without my knowledge and my pay cheque is now more than 1/3 less than it normally is. I'm hoping it's not too late to get my debt counsellor to reverse the garnishment, lower the remaining balance and have the remaining monthly payments reduced. I was so bummed out when I found out what happened to my pay cheque but in true SH fashion, I have quickly started to forget this pain. I have a very short memory for things like this. It's what's kept me from taking anti-depressents for so long but sadly it's also what keeps getting me into trouble. I must have inherited my bad money management skills from my Dad. Obviously it's not from Mama Park. She is amazingly resourceful with her money but I don't want to live my life drying out paper towels and re-using them. I'm sure there's a happy medium between the two. Life is always a fine balance and I'm badly in need of that balance right now.
Even though life is throwing me all sorts of curve balls these days, I know it's not for nothing. I'm learning lessons everyday. That's all I can ask. This situation has made me wonder how the heck people survive these situations without the support of friends and family. I guess that's why there are so many homeless people. My friends and family are my saving grace. It also makes me think about the phrase, 'money can't buy you happiness.' As much as I hate to admit it because I've always believed in that mantra, I have to admit it's a bit of a bullshit statement. Food, shelter, clothing, transportation and entertainment are all things that make me happy and you can't buy those with coconut shells. This year will be the true test of whether or not money can or can't buy me happiness although I think I already know the answer to this one. I need to win the lottery..and fast!
Today I finally sucked back my dread and unpacked all those daunting boxes and bags I brought home from the office last week. Why did I bring so much junk home? Was I trying to hoard my memories? As I started to throw one thing after another away, it reminded me that materials things don't equal memories. Throwing old stuff out was very carthartic. I felt good that I was de-cluttering my house and thus my life. So why does my room still look like a bomb went off in here? I guess the best analogy I can come up with is sometimes life has to get messy before it can get cleaned up. Or maybe I'm just a dirty pig. My Dad always said my room was like a garbage dump. I miss you Daddy. You'd know exactly what to do to comfort me, even when you didn't have words anymore.
I used the day not only to sift through my work stuff but also to clean out drawers and other boxes I still haven't unpacked after my move almost 5 years ago. I came across so many old unfinished craft projects. It got me thinking about all the possible ways I could re-invent myself. Here's what I came up with
1) jewelry: I have enough crystals and jewelry making supplies to start a Swarovski gift shop
2) Knitted scarves and hats and crochet doilies: Anyone need anything made of unknown fibers? I have enough yarn and needles of every size to last a life time.
3) Card maker
4) Slide show maker
5) Photos on coasters and canvasses
6) Etched candle holders
7) Needle point
Until now I completely forgot how much I used to love crafts. If I can't make a living out of these old craft materials, I can certainly make free Christmas and birthday gifts. They'll come in handy, especially this year. Maybe my work wife will also need a project to keep her hands busy.
On tomorrow's to do list:
1) Virtual church - gonna try the live stream sermon again. Love the fact that I can play online games and hang out in my pjs while listening to the sermon.
2) Part II of cleaning my garbage dump of a room
3) Clean car
4) Meeting with the original member of the Dole Club, C
5) Pick up M and R from Horseshoe Bay ferry terminal
6) Perfect the GangNam Style - I owe it to my fellow Koreans. Besides, what else do I have to do?
Feeling a little more normal today than I have been in the past week. I'm already starting to forget the horrible events of last Thursday, despite being slammed with another financial set back a couple of days ago. I'm not really comfortable talking about this but I think it's important for the blog to reflect true experiences and emotions even if i fear judgement. And when I get back on my feet, assuming I haven't acquired free room and board in the slammer for these financial 'oversights', I can look back at this as just another humorous stumble in the life of Sparky. So here's the quick and dirty. Without notice, my wages have been garnished for an unresolved debt I have with RBC. A settlement between the Supreme Court of BC and RBC was made without my knowledge and my pay cheque is now more than 1/3 less than it normally is. I'm hoping it's not too late to get my debt counsellor to reverse the garnishment, lower the remaining balance and have the remaining monthly payments reduced. I was so bummed out when I found out what happened to my pay cheque but in true SH fashion, I have quickly started to forget this pain. I have a very short memory for things like this. It's what's kept me from taking anti-depressents for so long but sadly it's also what keeps getting me into trouble. I must have inherited my bad money management skills from my Dad. Obviously it's not from Mama Park. She is amazingly resourceful with her money but I don't want to live my life drying out paper towels and re-using them. I'm sure there's a happy medium between the two. Life is always a fine balance and I'm badly in need of that balance right now.
Even though life is throwing me all sorts of curve balls these days, I know it's not for nothing. I'm learning lessons everyday. That's all I can ask. This situation has made me wonder how the heck people survive these situations without the support of friends and family. I guess that's why there are so many homeless people. My friends and family are my saving grace. It also makes me think about the phrase, 'money can't buy you happiness.' As much as I hate to admit it because I've always believed in that mantra, I have to admit it's a bit of a bullshit statement. Food, shelter, clothing, transportation and entertainment are all things that make me happy and you can't buy those with coconut shells. This year will be the true test of whether or not money can or can't buy me happiness although I think I already know the answer to this one. I need to win the lottery..and fast!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Sparky's Journey - There's No Place like Trade
I spent the whole day doing laundry and making calls to all my debtors to see what my remaining balances were - still doing homework for next week's debt counselling meeting. I found it interesting when listing my monthly budget that there was a line item for 'bingo/lottery/gambling'. I lied and put 0 even though I bought a lottery ticket yesterday. I don't think a few lotto tickets here and there are going to make a difference. I tried to make a SunLife claim but had no idea how to do so. It's very surprising that over the last 13 years, I have never put in a claim. I wasted all my benefits. I needed to call a live agent, get my client ID and register online so I could put in my claim. And suddenly my 'work day' was over. I was misled into believing that a lady of leisure was meant to lay around and eat bon bons all day. That's what you led me to believe when you were on mat leave with L and, having just discovered Facebook, played Scramble and Texas Holdem until all hours of the night. Such has not been the case for me yet, although I did get up at 11 so I guess my day is not that busy. I just have to accomplish everything in fewer waking hours.
Tonight was my final Trade Marketing 'meeting'. We went to Insadong and had Korean bbq and a few bottles of soju. Lemon soju kicks ass. I'm going to have to stock up on some. It's scary how easily the drink goes down. Could be the start of another very bad habit. CH ended up treating all of us. So generous. G-dawg II told me to close my eyes and he put some gifts in my hands - The Pumpkin that has sit on the ledge between our two cubicles since Shane left years ago, the stuffed Owl I brought CH from a fundraising event, the SDL squeezey yellow man with the lanyard wrapped around his neck that C would dangle off her cubicle wall when she felt she was hung out to dry by the MLT and a piece of bubble wrap. Most of the bubbles were popped already but there were two bubbles left for me to pop. G-dawg II knows how much I love bubble pop. They were really sweet, albeit used, gifts. I tried to protest taking the pumpkin but G-dawg II would not hear of it. I had to give G-dawg II the stuffed owl. I couldn't look at the beady eyes and sharp beak. He carressed/stroked it a little too aggressively on the ride home. Hope the owl will be okay in his possession. It was such a fun evening. We were definitely a tight team with a special bond. I was and am truly lucky.
Tomorrow signifies the largest and probably the last of the group goodbyes - Dim Sum at H.V. - our favorite dim sum place near the office. I hear there are more than 20 people coming. I know we suspected that they invited us so we could order for them since we always do the ordering but I'm only too happy to do it one more time knowing that it will be the last time we get to order for them. There have been so many 'lasts' over the past week. I'm never sure how I'm going to react at one of these goodbye events. I haven't lost it yet. Hopefully this big group doesn't overwhelm me and make me lose it in public because I know if I do, you will too. As long as you and MDZ keep it together, I will be okay. I hear MDZ cried when she heard the news. Oh MDZ.
Is it wrong that I'm afraid I won't be able to get up for tomorrow's 11:30am dim sum? I really need a job where I can work graveyard shift. It's a scary thought but I really think it's when I'm most alert and productive. I need to find a society of night owls to play with but not real owls, you know.
I'm wondering if we're supposed to write cards or bring tokens of our appreciation? I didn't do anything. We never got around to making those dirty cookies did we? Oh well, ordering the food will be our gift to everyone I guess. The dirty cookies will have to be saved for another occasion, Looking forward to it. See you manana my work wife.
Tonight was my final Trade Marketing 'meeting'. We went to Insadong and had Korean bbq and a few bottles of soju. Lemon soju kicks ass. I'm going to have to stock up on some. It's scary how easily the drink goes down. Could be the start of another very bad habit. CH ended up treating all of us. So generous. G-dawg II told me to close my eyes and he put some gifts in my hands - The Pumpkin that has sit on the ledge between our two cubicles since Shane left years ago, the stuffed Owl I brought CH from a fundraising event, the SDL squeezey yellow man with the lanyard wrapped around his neck that C would dangle off her cubicle wall when she felt she was hung out to dry by the MLT and a piece of bubble wrap. Most of the bubbles were popped already but there were two bubbles left for me to pop. G-dawg II knows how much I love bubble pop. They were really sweet, albeit used, gifts. I tried to protest taking the pumpkin but G-dawg II would not hear of it. I had to give G-dawg II the stuffed owl. I couldn't look at the beady eyes and sharp beak. He carressed/stroked it a little too aggressively on the ride home. Hope the owl will be okay in his possession. It was such a fun evening. We were definitely a tight team with a special bond. I was and am truly lucky.
Tomorrow signifies the largest and probably the last of the group goodbyes - Dim Sum at H.V. - our favorite dim sum place near the office. I hear there are more than 20 people coming. I know we suspected that they invited us so we could order for them since we always do the ordering but I'm only too happy to do it one more time knowing that it will be the last time we get to order for them. There have been so many 'lasts' over the past week. I'm never sure how I'm going to react at one of these goodbye events. I haven't lost it yet. Hopefully this big group doesn't overwhelm me and make me lose it in public because I know if I do, you will too. As long as you and MDZ keep it together, I will be okay. I hear MDZ cried when she heard the news. Oh MDZ.
Is it wrong that I'm afraid I won't be able to get up for tomorrow's 11:30am dim sum? I really need a job where I can work graveyard shift. It's a scary thought but I really think it's when I'm most alert and productive. I need to find a society of night owls to play with but not real owls, you know.
I'm wondering if we're supposed to write cards or bring tokens of our appreciation? I didn't do anything. We never got around to making those dirty cookies did we? Oh well, ordering the food will be our gift to everyone I guess. The dirty cookies will have to be saved for another occasion, Looking forward to it. See you manana my work wife.
G Dawg gets the circle jerk (runaround)
This morning when M woke up, his foot still hurt so I decided I would take him to the children walk in clinic when it opened at 10. I arrived around 10:10 and there were already 5 people in front of me with a 1.5 hour wait, so I decided to forgo it. By that time he wasn't walking around with a limp any more or asking me to carry him, so I figured he must be better. And since he seemed fine when he came back from daycare, I'm glad I spared us the 1.5 hour wait to be told to monitor the situation.
I also met my mother-in-law for lunch today. She suggested White Spot at 1:00 in Coquitlam, which I googled since I had never been to the one in Coquitlam. Well apparently nether has she. After I arrived a couple minutes late, I walked around the restaurant looking for her. She is always punctual so I knew something was amiss when I didn't see her anywhere. As she doesn't have a cell phone, I had to ask the hostess for the phone number of the White Spot about 5 min from my house on North Road. After describing her, they located her and put her on the phone. Yes, we were in 2 different locations. I drove to her White Spot (which is in Burnaby by the way) and we had a nice lunch. Since I didn't have anywhere to be today, it didn't matter. I was starving though and decided to go with the tried and true chicken pot pie. I will say they have classed this up with a nice side salad, and the pot pie is better than I remember. Of course MIL could only manage to eat one section out of 4 of her quesadilla. Like her namesake, she does eat like a bird. Which is actually a misnomer since birds eat a lot compared to their size.
Fellow honorary Dole Club member N came over for a cup of decaf later on in the afternoon and I splurged by turning up the heat from the chilly 16 degrees it is usually set at when everyone is at work.
As for productive work today, I did manage to clean all the bathrooms and vaccuum, both which were sorely needed. So it wasn't a completely frivolous day.
You have to come over to the office soon to watch the Bachelor. Sorry I tried to wait but it was killing me to find out what happened, even though I saw on someone's FB post who "won". Anyway we need to debrief, so let's schedule a showing soon.
I also met my mother-in-law for lunch today. She suggested White Spot at 1:00 in Coquitlam, which I googled since I had never been to the one in Coquitlam. Well apparently nether has she. After I arrived a couple minutes late, I walked around the restaurant looking for her. She is always punctual so I knew something was amiss when I didn't see her anywhere. As she doesn't have a cell phone, I had to ask the hostess for the phone number of the White Spot about 5 min from my house on North Road. After describing her, they located her and put her on the phone. Yes, we were in 2 different locations. I drove to her White Spot (which is in Burnaby by the way) and we had a nice lunch. Since I didn't have anywhere to be today, it didn't matter. I was starving though and decided to go with the tried and true chicken pot pie. I will say they have classed this up with a nice side salad, and the pot pie is better than I remember. Of course MIL could only manage to eat one section out of 4 of her quesadilla. Like her namesake, she does eat like a bird. Which is actually a misnomer since birds eat a lot compared to their size.
Fellow honorary Dole Club member N came over for a cup of decaf later on in the afternoon and I splurged by turning up the heat from the chilly 16 degrees it is usually set at when everyone is at work.
As for productive work today, I did manage to clean all the bathrooms and vaccuum, both which were sorely needed. So it wasn't a completely frivolous day.
You have to come over to the office soon to watch the Bachelor. Sorry I tried to wait but it was killing me to find out what happened, even though I saw on someone's FB post who "won". Anyway we need to debrief, so let's schedule a showing soon.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Sparky's Journey - Closing the Door Behind Me
Yes G, it's official. Now that we've taken our belongings from LFS today, there are hardly any physical reminders that we existed at all except for the rotten fish I hid in every crevace of Puppet Master C's office. Just kidding but I really thought about doing something nasty. Too bad for the security/facilities manager on site watching our every move. But I did manage to leave a clue that I was there. I drew a huge heart on my whiteboard. Inside the heart it said, 'This is how big the hole in my heart is. I will miss you all. Love S." I'm sure the Puppet Master will have it erased before too many people see it siting that I have defaced private property.
Based on all the junk stored at my cubicle, I wasn't surprised by how much I had accumulated during my time there but I was surprised by how much you had. I'm not sure where you were hiding all of that stuff because you kept your cubicle relatively clean. I have a feeling we'll probably end up turfing most of what we brought home. I wanted to save some of my emails on my hard drive but when I looked through them, all 13,000 or so of them, I was surprised how little I wanted to or needed to keep. I ended up leaving with about 100 emails. I hope when I reinvent myself, I can get rid of the clutter for good.
While you were rushing around taking care of the kids and going to Kbridge, I couldn't even make it out of bed before 1pm. Yesterday it was 10am and today it was 1pm. To be fair, I've only slept a few hours a night for the last two nights so before I overdramatize this, I'll assume it's because I was so tired. Still the fact that I'm allowed to even sleep until 1pm when the rest of the world is working is pretty sweet. I managed to do most things on today's to do lists but procrastinated on the big one which was completing the online information form for my debt counselling meeting next week. I guess I'll just role that into tomorrow's To Do list. Like you, cleaning is a high priority tomorrow. I will have a houseguest shortly. We'll be sharing a room and I currently can't see the floor because of all my junk. Also, of utmost importance, on both of our To Do lists should be watching the season finale of Bachelor Canada. It's quite the novelty to be able to do this between the hours of 9 to 5. Are you starting to like this lifestyle as much as I am? We have to start thinking of ways we can continue this lifestyle forever. P.S. I bought a lottery ticket today:)
As I was leaving the house for our dboat meeting, Mama P dropped 3 $50 bills on the table and said, 'I want to pay for some things'. She was quite vague about what it is she wanted to pay for but that's to be expected since she has no clue how much utilities, property tax, mortgage etc., are. It was all very touching but it felt like one of those moments where your kid brings you their piggy bank and tells you to use it for expenses. I protested a little and then decided to take one of the $50s for gas money. I thought it was a nice compromise. Then she asked if I needed to sell our house. What I wanted to say is that unfortunately I was in it for the long haul with this money pit but instead I decided just to tell her we would be fine without selling. I'm sure you've figured this out already but often it's best to leave the details out when you're dealing with an Asian mom.
Looking forward to PVR TV at the office tomorrow. I'll bring the coffee and bagels!
Based on all the junk stored at my cubicle, I wasn't surprised by how much I had accumulated during my time there but I was surprised by how much you had. I'm not sure where you were hiding all of that stuff because you kept your cubicle relatively clean. I have a feeling we'll probably end up turfing most of what we brought home. I wanted to save some of my emails on my hard drive but when I looked through them, all 13,000 or so of them, I was surprised how little I wanted to or needed to keep. I ended up leaving with about 100 emails. I hope when I reinvent myself, I can get rid of the clutter for good.
While you were rushing around taking care of the kids and going to Kbridge, I couldn't even make it out of bed before 1pm. Yesterday it was 10am and today it was 1pm. To be fair, I've only slept a few hours a night for the last two nights so before I overdramatize this, I'll assume it's because I was so tired. Still the fact that I'm allowed to even sleep until 1pm when the rest of the world is working is pretty sweet. I managed to do most things on today's to do lists but procrastinated on the big one which was completing the online information form for my debt counselling meeting next week. I guess I'll just role that into tomorrow's To Do list. Like you, cleaning is a high priority tomorrow. I will have a houseguest shortly. We'll be sharing a room and I currently can't see the floor because of all my junk. Also, of utmost importance, on both of our To Do lists should be watching the season finale of Bachelor Canada. It's quite the novelty to be able to do this between the hours of 9 to 5. Are you starting to like this lifestyle as much as I am? We have to start thinking of ways we can continue this lifestyle forever. P.S. I bought a lottery ticket today:)
As I was leaving the house for our dboat meeting, Mama P dropped 3 $50 bills on the table and said, 'I want to pay for some things'. She was quite vague about what it is she wanted to pay for but that's to be expected since she has no clue how much utilities, property tax, mortgage etc., are. It was all very touching but it felt like one of those moments where your kid brings you their piggy bank and tells you to use it for expenses. I protested a little and then decided to take one of the $50s for gas money. I thought it was a nice compromise. Then she asked if I needed to sell our house. What I wanted to say is that unfortunately I was in it for the long haul with this money pit but instead I decided just to tell her we would be fine without selling. I'm sure you've figured this out already but often it's best to leave the details out when you're dealing with an Asian mom.
Looking forward to PVR TV at the office tomorrow. I'll bring the coffee and bagels!
G Dawg's day of driving
I believe I may be more tired now than I was when I was working. I am having a tough time getting into bed before 2 am, only to have to wake up before 8 to get the kids ready for their day. And for some reason it is more difficult than ever to be on time for appointments!
Today started with mad rushing in the morning trying to get L off to school since LP slept in and I count on him as my alarm. Because I was so rushed, I didn't have time to get ready for my first appt at Knightsbridge until I came back home. After I quickly got ready, it was another trip back up the mountain to drop M off at my mom's. Bad traffic coupled with a stop for gas and turning into the exit as opposed to the entrance of a parkade made me 10 min late for my first appt with Cathy. Whoops. That can't look good. As this was just the intial meeting, she gave me an orientation on what to expect with the career counseling and got some background info from me. When she asked what I did before LifeScan, I mentioned Earls. Man, I was just a baby when I started LFS!
After the session, I went to pick up M and brought him home for lunch. Strangely his foot started to hurt after lunch and he couldn't walk without a limp. There is no visible injury nor did he do anything to hurt it. I'll have to get that looked at tomorrow if it keeps up. A quick trip to Costco to buy a hard drive and then it was a mad dash to get home so he could have a proper nap.
We picked up L from child care, then turned around quickly to go back into the city for the dragon boat meeting (late again). Left the meeting early so I could pick up my sis to babysit the kids while I went back into Burnaby to clean out my personal effects from the office. Phew! A lot of driving and running around today.
So it's official - everything has been picked up from the office and all traces of us are gone. Hopefully to the people that matter, they'll think of us now and then with a fond smile. I know I will.
And unfortunately I have also added to my to-do list with going through everything I brought home and somehow find a place for it all.
Tomorrow's agenda - clean the house. Do the things I always put off since I don't have an excuse anymore of being too busy with work - anyone care to sort through kids clothes with me??
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Spark's Journey - Flip Flop Emotions
Like I was saying yesterday, the sun will come up tomorrow right? Well, it didn't. The rain poured most of the day and the sky was lit with lightening in the evening but somehow it did feel like a better day. I'm not ready to sing the praises of the hand that laid me off yet but starting something new is so much better for the psyche than ending something old, especially when you didn't really want it to end in the first place. So today I started organizing my finances. Besides making an appointment to see a debt counsellor next week, my biggest accomplishment for the day was saving some big bucks on my living costs. I finally managed to bundle my phone, internet and cable and switch to a cheaper provider. Most importantly, I was able to include PVR and still save myself about $80 per month in the process. Granted I will have less channels to choose from but I realize I don't watch most of the channels I have anyways. Why didn't I think to do this sooner? Once again, thanks LFS for laying me off so I could get my finances in order. I guess the blessings that are most disguised are the ones that impact us the most...that is, if we realize they are blessings. Another simple win!
The best part of today was our umpteenth goodbye party. This one was at A's house. We talked and laughed and reminisced about all our years together. I took everyone down my path at LFS from part-time contract to full-time contract, full-time permanent, then partially laid off to part-time permanent, then back to full-time permanent and then back to full-time contract at the next round of layoffs, back to full-time permanent and finally now to full-time laid off. Haha. It really is quite a colorful history I've had and looking at this on paper now, I'm really not sure how many ways to Sunday the Heavens above could have told me that it was never meant to be. I didn't realize I was so dense until now. But telling our stories also made me realize just how many stories we have. I guess that's what happens when, for 13 years, you spend more time with your coworkers than you do with your family. I couldn't tell you that many stories about my family. The good is that it felt so perfect to be with everyone again. The bad is that it reminded me I won't see them everyday. Sigh.
All night I couldn't stop thinking about a story I read on one of the pharmaceutical company chat sites. It was about our company and about the layoffs that had just happened at our head office in the States. This man worked there for 24 years and with 14 months left until retirement, he was suddenly laid off. In his mid 50s, he had 3 teenage daughters and a wife with MS to support. I can't imagine what pressure he's under as he's obviously the soul bread winner. It made me realize that things could be much worse for me and that I have it good, with only one semi-dependent, aka Mama P, who is able to buy her own clothes, food and necessities, pays for her own gas and entertainment etc., Things could definitely be worse for me, even with my money pit of a home. All the same, I still wish for more severance and thereby more time to figure out how to live an inspired life and still make money.
Well that's for another day to figure out. These next few weeks are about simple wins and small steps. I have a growing To Do list but there are lots of little things on it, even things like organizing cupboards and doing laundry. This way even on days where I'm unmotivated, I can cross a few simple things off my list and still feel accomplished. During my time off I've been surprised at how upsetting small set backs can be to my psyche. I guess it's all part of rebuilding my self esteem. I wonder if I'm being too easy on myself. Our other coworker who got laid off at the same time as us said he's still getting up at 7:30 and he's gungho about looking for a job right away. If my day starts before 10am, I'm patting myself on the back. If I go to bed before 4am, I'm giving myself high-fives. I'm not sure what the better path is. I'll make sure to check in with him in a few months to tabulate the results of this impromptu study in social behavior.
Tomorrow's schedule:
- Homework for debt counselling - gather all debts, expenses and monthly income figures. The first two will take some time. The last one is a no brainer. Laid off = 0 income.
- Confirmation call and appt booking with new cable provider
- Phone upgrade so I can give my borrowed phone back to rightful owner
- Make list of personal effects I need to pick up from office
- Dragon boat team meeting
- Pick up personal effects at work and transfer personal emails from work. Ugh. Not looking forward to this. Remember to pick up red chair. It will be the only significant physical reminder of my time at LFS. sigh.
Doesn't really seem like a lot but oddly the days pass by so quickly. Maybe that's what happens when you get up just before lunchtime. Not sure how I'll be able to break this quickly forming habit when I go back to work. Maybe I should look into shift work.
The best part of today was our umpteenth goodbye party. This one was at A's house. We talked and laughed and reminisced about all our years together. I took everyone down my path at LFS from part-time contract to full-time contract, full-time permanent, then partially laid off to part-time permanent, then back to full-time permanent and then back to full-time contract at the next round of layoffs, back to full-time permanent and finally now to full-time laid off. Haha. It really is quite a colorful history I've had and looking at this on paper now, I'm really not sure how many ways to Sunday the Heavens above could have told me that it was never meant to be. I didn't realize I was so dense until now. But telling our stories also made me realize just how many stories we have. I guess that's what happens when, for 13 years, you spend more time with your coworkers than you do with your family. I couldn't tell you that many stories about my family. The good is that it felt so perfect to be with everyone again. The bad is that it reminded me I won't see them everyday. Sigh.
All night I couldn't stop thinking about a story I read on one of the pharmaceutical company chat sites. It was about our company and about the layoffs that had just happened at our head office in the States. This man worked there for 24 years and with 14 months left until retirement, he was suddenly laid off. In his mid 50s, he had 3 teenage daughters and a wife with MS to support. I can't imagine what pressure he's under as he's obviously the soul bread winner. It made me realize that things could be much worse for me and that I have it good, with only one semi-dependent, aka Mama P, who is able to buy her own clothes, food and necessities, pays for her own gas and entertainment etc., Things could definitely be worse for me, even with my money pit of a home. All the same, I still wish for more severance and thereby more time to figure out how to live an inspired life and still make money.
Well that's for another day to figure out. These next few weeks are about simple wins and small steps. I have a growing To Do list but there are lots of little things on it, even things like organizing cupboards and doing laundry. This way even on days where I'm unmotivated, I can cross a few simple things off my list and still feel accomplished. During my time off I've been surprised at how upsetting small set backs can be to my psyche. I guess it's all part of rebuilding my self esteem. I wonder if I'm being too easy on myself. Our other coworker who got laid off at the same time as us said he's still getting up at 7:30 and he's gungho about looking for a job right away. If my day starts before 10am, I'm patting myself on the back. If I go to bed before 4am, I'm giving myself high-fives. I'm not sure what the better path is. I'll make sure to check in with him in a few months to tabulate the results of this impromptu study in social behavior.
Tomorrow's schedule:
- Homework for debt counselling - gather all debts, expenses and monthly income figures. The first two will take some time. The last one is a no brainer. Laid off = 0 income.
- Confirmation call and appt booking with new cable provider
- Phone upgrade so I can give my borrowed phone back to rightful owner
- Make list of personal effects I need to pick up from office
- Dragon boat team meeting
- Pick up personal effects at work and transfer personal emails from work. Ugh. Not looking forward to this. Remember to pick up red chair. It will be the only significant physical reminder of my time at LFS. sigh.
Doesn't really seem like a lot but oddly the days pass by so quickly. Maybe that's what happens when you get up just before lunchtime. Not sure how I'll be able to break this quickly forming habit when I go back to work. Maybe I should look into shift work.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Sparky's Journey - How did I end up here?
The question of the day is, how did I end up here? 40-something, single, no kids, living with Mama P and now unemployed. I do own my apartment but I've come to realize home ownership is just a false sense of security. Consider the alternative which is renting. I would have saved the money I spent on the down payment, years of monthly strata fees, mortgage fees, property taxes, municipal utilities and of course several large sum payments to the strata for structural repairs. Oh and let's not forget the error of not having home insurance when a loose bathroom pipe forced me to pay a 4 digit repair cost to my neighbors downstairs. Also consider my property value has gone down rapidly every year that I've owned my apartment and what I have is a shit-hole that I would not be able to off load on even the most unsavvy of buyers so I say bullshit to those who say buying a home ensures security. What it's done is made me cash poor for a very long time with no end to the pain in sight, especially considering my current lack of employment. Well, at least I'm not homeless..yet.
I know I'm being very negative and I'm taking it out on my home. I know I should be thankful for the things I do have but today is one of those rare days where I don't feel like being positive. I feel angry because of new information about the restructuring in our company. An announcement came out today that G and I were let go but that 3 people in our department got promotions, 2 of whom were also moved from contract positions to full-time permanent positions. Let me be clear, I don't begrudge these people. I love them and I am so very happy for them. I'm just wondering what went so terribly wrong that G and I were so blindsided from a company that we have given our hearts and souls to. I feel like a jilted lover. We were told this had nothing to do with performance. In fact, we know that because neither of us had any performance issues or grievances on our files and no verbal conversations with supervisors to indicate any dissatisfaction with our performance. Quite the contrary, I think both of us have quite exemplary performance records and it was a known fact that we were a good fit for the company and had very good inter-departmental relationships. So what happened? Everyday I am more and more confused and angered. What I'm looking for is full disclosure as to what reasons they had for choosing us over others. Even if the truth is hard to hear, I'm owed that after 13 years instead of hiding behind a statement like 'not performance related'. I'd like to be able to correct anything that led to my demise so that I won't be blindsided again in my next job because this feeling really blows. I know they don't have a legal obligation to us but I guess it was too much to ask for some common decency. Eventually I know I'll thank God for saying enough is enough and forcing me out of a situation that was only getting worse but for now, I just feel hurt, angry and confused. But in the last 5 days since this happened, I've had so many emotions that it's not crazy to think that by tomorrow I will be singing God's praises. I guess in the words of Paula Abdul, there's always the promise of a new day. As Annie says, the sun will come up tomorrow bet your bottom dollar. Right? Except it's been raining here for the last 4 days with no sun in the forecast anytime soon:P
I know I'm being very negative and I'm taking it out on my home. I know I should be thankful for the things I do have but today is one of those rare days where I don't feel like being positive. I feel angry because of new information about the restructuring in our company. An announcement came out today that G and I were let go but that 3 people in our department got promotions, 2 of whom were also moved from contract positions to full-time permanent positions. Let me be clear, I don't begrudge these people. I love them and I am so very happy for them. I'm just wondering what went so terribly wrong that G and I were so blindsided from a company that we have given our hearts and souls to. I feel like a jilted lover. We were told this had nothing to do with performance. In fact, we know that because neither of us had any performance issues or grievances on our files and no verbal conversations with supervisors to indicate any dissatisfaction with our performance. Quite the contrary, I think both of us have quite exemplary performance records and it was a known fact that we were a good fit for the company and had very good inter-departmental relationships. So what happened? Everyday I am more and more confused and angered. What I'm looking for is full disclosure as to what reasons they had for choosing us over others. Even if the truth is hard to hear, I'm owed that after 13 years instead of hiding behind a statement like 'not performance related'. I'd like to be able to correct anything that led to my demise so that I won't be blindsided again in my next job because this feeling really blows. I know they don't have a legal obligation to us but I guess it was too much to ask for some common decency. Eventually I know I'll thank God for saying enough is enough and forcing me out of a situation that was only getting worse but for now, I just feel hurt, angry and confused. But in the last 5 days since this happened, I've had so many emotions that it's not crazy to think that by tomorrow I will be singing God's praises. I guess in the words of Paula Abdul, there's always the promise of a new day. As Annie says, the sun will come up tomorrow bet your bottom dollar. Right? Except it's been raining here for the last 4 days with no sun in the forecast anytime soon:P
Dance it out
Another day of ups and downs. Ups: being invited for the second meeting of the on-the-dole club where CP made us a delicious lunch of laksa. I also went out to my first Zumba lesson with my girls and had a blast. Sure, my knees and butt are sore and I am sure I will be even sorer tomorrow but it was definitely cathartic to forget about everything else and just focus on getting the arms and legs working together. I'll definitely do it again. This booty shaking is definitely right up my alley. And the best part is that I don't have to wait outside in a long line-up with barely any clothes on to partake!
Another up was hearing from some people at work that I haven't talked to yet. It was really nice to hear their well wishes and that we would be missed.
Some of the downs included some of the sadness turning to rage after figuring out a few more pieces to this puzzle. However it's only served to make me more confused, which has led to the rage.
A girlfriend had a situation where she had a case for being unfairly treated at her work. I keep thinking about how she chose to walk away from pursuing anything and decided to just let it go for her sanity. I am struggling with what the right decision is - do I spend energy that could be better used elsewhere and just accept this, or fight?
Maybe I should just dance it out.
Another up was hearing from some people at work that I haven't talked to yet. It was really nice to hear their well wishes and that we would be missed.
Some of the downs included some of the sadness turning to rage after figuring out a few more pieces to this puzzle. However it's only served to make me more confused, which has led to the rage.
A girlfriend had a situation where she had a case for being unfairly treated at her work. I keep thinking about how she chose to walk away from pursuing anything and decided to just let it go for her sanity. I am struggling with what the right decision is - do I spend energy that could be better used elsewhere and just accept this, or fight?
Maybe I should just dance it out.
Monday, November 19, 2012
At the beginning
I guess I should start at the beginning.
Tues Nov 13 - meeting invites come in for all company meetings with the Global Head Cheese MP and our GM. I think nothing of these "transformational change" meetings until I start getting some emails from colleagues wondering what's going on. I naively think possibly layoffs are happening in the US only.
Wed Nov 14 - layoffs are confirmed to be happening in both US and Canada and meetings to confirm who is impacted will be occurring the next day. I get my one on one meeting invite with the Grim Reaper for Thur. My concerns increase when I find out that others are being talked to on Wed and all are confirmed to be "safe". That night I joke with my husband that my lunch the next day could be a very long lunch. I place an order on the company store just in case, but of course do nothing to back up my computer files. Now I see what was important to me. Thank goodness I have enough feminine hygiene products to last me until menopause.
Thur Nov 15 - due to trouble getting the kids off to school on time with them forgetting his backpack, I am late coming into work. It's for the best since I can barely concentrate on work anyway, and look every 5 min at the clock waiting for my 11:00 meeting to be told yay or nay. 30 min before my meeting I run into one of the finance guys and try and get the scoop on what is happening in their dept. He doesn't go into very many details but it seems like there isn't anything too drastic happening there. He sees my concern for myself but tells me I have nothing to worry about. At 10:59 I get out of my chair but there is no-one around to give me a reassuring gaze or a note of encouragement. I feel I am walking the plank as I make my way to the meeting room. On the way I pass by our director's office, whom I shall affectionately refer to as Puppetmaster C. There is not a glance my way, and in retrospect I know that she ignored me on purpose as she knew what was waiting for me. In the reception area I see an unfamiliar face and I am uneasy as I know she must be from Knightsbridge. I walk into the large meeting room with just the Grim Reaper, and as he opens his mouth to say "I am sorry..." that is all I hear and I turn away from him in the chair, looking blankly outside. I am thinking I will not give him the satisfaction of looking at me and I try to hold it together but all the willing in the world does not prevent sobs from escaping. The more I try to stop, the worse it gets. The least he could have done is have made sure tissue was in the room. Luckily I had the forethought to put a tissue in my pocket for the meeting, just in case. I hear very little, but he doesn't say a whole lot. Just that it wasn't performance related but my position was eliminated. At one point I try to call him on the BS to say that if they had wanted to keep me, they could have shuffled me around since that wouldn't have been the first time.
After an obligatory amount of time, he lets me know that he'll be bringing in his friend from Knightsbridge to explain what will happen next. I resent being told by someone I barely knew that my time after 10 years was done, and whom I knew was being played as a puppet anyway. Then to have a complete stranger come in felt even more foreign and I couldn't stop bawling. All I wanted was to talk to a friend. When she gave me some time in the room alone, I looked at the phone and wondered if I would be able to sneak in a call to x2916 before getting caught. I asked repeatedly if I could say goodbye to the people I had known for so long but was told it wasn't possible. When she did ask who I really wanted to see and I mentioned my work wife, imagine my surprise when she told she was also affected. I couldn't believe it. Perfect in a Tim Burton twisted kind of way. A way to wipe out some more old school culture out of LFSCA in one fell swoop.
So this is how our lives outside of LFSCA started and who knows how it will end up. I do know that my work wife and I will support one another, propped up by our family and friends in the belief that we can overcome this and we will emerge on the other side stronger and knowing there is a reason for everything.
We shall overcome, but there will be some bon bon eating, TV watching and napping in the daytime for a brief period of time. I will not feel guilty for doing some things we used to daydream about doing while working. We deserve it after all these years of pleasure-pain.
Tues Nov 13 - meeting invites come in for all company meetings with the Global Head Cheese MP and our GM. I think nothing of these "transformational change" meetings until I start getting some emails from colleagues wondering what's going on. I naively think possibly layoffs are happening in the US only.
Wed Nov 14 - layoffs are confirmed to be happening in both US and Canada and meetings to confirm who is impacted will be occurring the next day. I get my one on one meeting invite with the Grim Reaper for Thur. My concerns increase when I find out that others are being talked to on Wed and all are confirmed to be "safe". That night I joke with my husband that my lunch the next day could be a very long lunch. I place an order on the company store just in case, but of course do nothing to back up my computer files. Now I see what was important to me. Thank goodness I have enough feminine hygiene products to last me until menopause.
Thur Nov 15 - due to trouble getting the kids off to school on time with them forgetting his backpack, I am late coming into work. It's for the best since I can barely concentrate on work anyway, and look every 5 min at the clock waiting for my 11:00 meeting to be told yay or nay. 30 min before my meeting I run into one of the finance guys and try and get the scoop on what is happening in their dept. He doesn't go into very many details but it seems like there isn't anything too drastic happening there. He sees my concern for myself but tells me I have nothing to worry about. At 10:59 I get out of my chair but there is no-one around to give me a reassuring gaze or a note of encouragement. I feel I am walking the plank as I make my way to the meeting room. On the way I pass by our director's office, whom I shall affectionately refer to as Puppetmaster C. There is not a glance my way, and in retrospect I know that she ignored me on purpose as she knew what was waiting for me. In the reception area I see an unfamiliar face and I am uneasy as I know she must be from Knightsbridge. I walk into the large meeting room with just the Grim Reaper, and as he opens his mouth to say "I am sorry..." that is all I hear and I turn away from him in the chair, looking blankly outside. I am thinking I will not give him the satisfaction of looking at me and I try to hold it together but all the willing in the world does not prevent sobs from escaping. The more I try to stop, the worse it gets. The least he could have done is have made sure tissue was in the room. Luckily I had the forethought to put a tissue in my pocket for the meeting, just in case. I hear very little, but he doesn't say a whole lot. Just that it wasn't performance related but my position was eliminated. At one point I try to call him on the BS to say that if they had wanted to keep me, they could have shuffled me around since that wouldn't have been the first time.
After an obligatory amount of time, he lets me know that he'll be bringing in his friend from Knightsbridge to explain what will happen next. I resent being told by someone I barely knew that my time after 10 years was done, and whom I knew was being played as a puppet anyway. Then to have a complete stranger come in felt even more foreign and I couldn't stop bawling. All I wanted was to talk to a friend. When she gave me some time in the room alone, I looked at the phone and wondered if I would be able to sneak in a call to x2916 before getting caught. I asked repeatedly if I could say goodbye to the people I had known for so long but was told it wasn't possible. When she did ask who I really wanted to see and I mentioned my work wife, imagine my surprise when she told she was also affected. I couldn't believe it. Perfect in a Tim Burton twisted kind of way. A way to wipe out some more old school culture out of LFSCA in one fell swoop.
So this is how our lives outside of LFSCA started and who knows how it will end up. I do know that my work wife and I will support one another, propped up by our family and friends in the belief that we can overcome this and we will emerge on the other side stronger and knowing there is a reason for everything.
We shall overcome, but there will be some bon bon eating, TV watching and napping in the daytime for a brief period of time. I will not feel guilty for doing some things we used to daydream about doing while working. We deserve it after all these years of pleasure-pain.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sparky's Journey - What Day is it Anyways?
Today was a day of doing nothing. Unbelievably I still feel I have to write about it:). When I was working, I was fine doing nothing on Sundays. It is Sunday today isn't it? Anyways, I digress. Sundays were my day of rest before daunting work weeks ahead. Now I just feel guilty doing nothing because everyday I'm pretty much doing nothing now. Even though everyone advised us to take some time off, I feel like I should have been looking for a job or working on my resume, something more productive than watching Sister Wives, taking naps and playing computer games. On top of that, needing a little comfort and guidance, I tuned into the live broadcast of a sermon from a pastor in one of our local neighbourhood churches. This made me feel worse. The message today was about living a good private life so you can succeed in your public life. In other words, if you're a General and the secretary of defense for the US, you shouldn't bang your biographer. According to the Pastor, these are the following road blocks to succeeding publicly in life: wasting time, foolishness, laziness, procrastination,undisciplined life. I managed to tick off all the road blocks in a completely unsuccessful day in the life of Sparky. I know I'm not a colossal failure but this Pastor sure made me feel like one. Will I ever find a job and public successes when my private life seems a hot mess? Today the possibility seems so distant, so full of road blocks I didn't even know about.
I spoke to my brother and his wife tonight. I forgot that his wife, W, had made the decision recently to quit her job as a director of a family and immigration centre. This week she told her staff. They were sad and some cried. I realize we're now living parallel lives. The method in which this occurred is different but the end result is the same. Neither of us have jobs anymore. We joked that my brother would now be the soul bread winner for all the women in the P family, including my mom. They have great faith in God, not blind faith like The Radical, otherwise known as Mama P, but a more balanced faith that appeals to me because they believe in a mix of God's Will and controlling one's own destiny. They were kind enough to offer to pay for a plane ticket for me to visit them. I very briefly wondered if I could ask for the cash value instead but then realized it would be a great comfort to be around them for awhile. And selfishly I also thought having two unemployed women in the household could deflect some of Mama P's attention away from my joblessness and onto W's. It will be a good thing all around. I will get to see my niece and nephew. Living costs are also lower in Winnipeg and I won't be spending money on gas for my car. The trip will be a verifiable money making venture for me! I wouldn't have had this opportunity to spend a big chunk of time with them had I not been laid off. So once again, thank you LFS!
Tomorrow I have an orientation at Knightsbridge. Knightsbridge is a 'human capital solutions' company, basically an unemployment bridging agency. My coordinator, Ho, as he'll be called, is one of those employment termination experts, like in the movie 'Up in the Air', that swoops in to pick up the pieces of you that have fallen on the floor after the Grim Reaper tells you to pack your bags. Ho is nice enough but definitely no George Clooney. I feel bad because I didn't make it easy for him at our first meeting. Granted I had just been let go but he really tried hard to get information from me and I wasn't giving anything up. Tomorrow I'll make an effort to be nicer to him and forgive him for not looking like George.
I spoke to my brother and his wife tonight. I forgot that his wife, W, had made the decision recently to quit her job as a director of a family and immigration centre. This week she told her staff. They were sad and some cried. I realize we're now living parallel lives. The method in which this occurred is different but the end result is the same. Neither of us have jobs anymore. We joked that my brother would now be the soul bread winner for all the women in the P family, including my mom. They have great faith in God, not blind faith like The Radical, otherwise known as Mama P, but a more balanced faith that appeals to me because they believe in a mix of God's Will and controlling one's own destiny. They were kind enough to offer to pay for a plane ticket for me to visit them. I very briefly wondered if I could ask for the cash value instead but then realized it would be a great comfort to be around them for awhile. And selfishly I also thought having two unemployed women in the household could deflect some of Mama P's attention away from my joblessness and onto W's. It will be a good thing all around. I will get to see my niece and nephew. Living costs are also lower in Winnipeg and I won't be spending money on gas for my car. The trip will be a verifiable money making venture for me! I wouldn't have had this opportunity to spend a big chunk of time with them had I not been laid off. So once again, thank you LFS!
Tomorrow I have an orientation at Knightsbridge. Knightsbridge is a 'human capital solutions' company, basically an unemployment bridging agency. My coordinator, Ho, as he'll be called, is one of those employment termination experts, like in the movie 'Up in the Air', that swoops in to pick up the pieces of you that have fallen on the floor after the Grim Reaper tells you to pack your bags. Ho is nice enough but definitely no George Clooney. I feel bad because I didn't make it easy for him at our first meeting. Granted I had just been let go but he really tried hard to get information from me and I wasn't giving anything up. Tomorrow I'll make an effort to be nicer to him and forgive him for not looking like George.
Sparky's Journey - Unemployment Parties and Breaking the News to mama P
Everything I'd built up in my head about breaking the news to Mama P had not materialized when it finally happened this evening. There was not much surprise or shock in her reaction . I assumed finances would be her biggest concern but was surprised to see that even when I tried to pre-empt her worry by assuring her we would be financially okay for awhile, she wholeheartedly agreed. After we talked briefly about finding a job in Winnipeg where my brother lives and of course, the mandatory conversation about believing in God and going to church, our conversation was over in less than 10 minutes and she went back to doing her normal activities as if nothing had happened. I wondered if her underwhelming response was just an act so as not to worry me but I can see now that it was no act, judging by the fact she had no problem falling asleep this evening. She really isn't worried. I suppose that's the upside of believing God has a plan for everyone. I had prepared for a tete-a-tete over the last two days, rehearsing the answers to the stressful questions I thought she would ask. What are we going to do for money? When are you going to find a job? Are you finally going to clean your room? I had over dramatized everything in my head so that when it didn't materialize, instead of being grateful I was slightly disappointed.
So I guess it was a good end to a good day that started with my manicure. An awkward but humourous situation arose when one of the spa workers asked G and I if we were getting manis and pedis done for a special occasion. We both laughed and said definitively YES, it was a special occasion - both of us getting laid off at the same time. It would have been awkward had G and I not wholeheartedly laughed to put the spa workers at ease. It is quite a special occasion. Afterall, how many times in your life will you experience a joint lay off?
Later that day I went to my second Unemployment party, yesterday's DIY pizza party being the first. It's definitely an interesting reason to have a get together and can potentially create some akward moments but this one was with close friends from outside work so it was very comforting. Interestingly enough two of the friends at the party were current LFS employees and three were former employees including G and I. So I guess I wasn't entirely screwed by LFS. Damnit it's hard to stay mad at the stupid company that brought all these wonderful people into my life.
And that brings me to my next and final thought of the day. Even in the short time since I got laid off, my emotions have been up and down. I spent much of today trying to hold back tears for the coworkers I've lost that I consider my friends. My fear is not that I won't find another job but that I won't find another job with so many special people. Despite the grim reaper and his cast, it was still a special place with many memorable people. It seems an impossible task to find another job like this and what makes me so special that I should be so lucky to have the same work experience the next time around? My only solace is that my friendships with these coworkers are strong enough to weather the separation...I hope.
So I guess it was a good end to a good day that started with my manicure. An awkward but humourous situation arose when one of the spa workers asked G and I if we were getting manis and pedis done for a special occasion. We both laughed and said definitively YES, it was a special occasion - both of us getting laid off at the same time. It would have been awkward had G and I not wholeheartedly laughed to put the spa workers at ease. It is quite a special occasion. Afterall, how many times in your life will you experience a joint lay off?
Later that day I went to my second Unemployment party, yesterday's DIY pizza party being the first. It's definitely an interesting reason to have a get together and can potentially create some akward moments but this one was with close friends from outside work so it was very comforting. Interestingly enough two of the friends at the party were current LFS employees and three were former employees including G and I. So I guess I wasn't entirely screwed by LFS. Damnit it's hard to stay mad at the stupid company that brought all these wonderful people into my life.
And that brings me to my next and final thought of the day. Even in the short time since I got laid off, my emotions have been up and down. I spent much of today trying to hold back tears for the coworkers I've lost that I consider my friends. My fear is not that I won't find another job but that I won't find another job with so many special people. Despite the grim reaper and his cast, it was still a special place with many memorable people. It seems an impossible task to find another job like this and what makes me so special that I should be so lucky to have the same work experience the next time around? My only solace is that my friendships with these coworkers are strong enough to weather the separation...I hope.
Saying goodbye
I've stumbled onto a slight issue with this blog- we may end up with 2 identical posts since we are living one life right now. A scarier thought though is when we don't have the same posts...because that will mean we will likely be employed by two different employers. Which means I'll be all by my lonesome.
One thing I have come to take for granted over all these years is how nice it has been to see your 'family' everyday. You know everyone (well except for the revolving door of food things, otherwise know as Customer Service reps), pick up your girls for the morning coffee, share dumb stories with your cubicle mates, and look forward to lunch with your friends, because that's what they are as opposed to colleagues. These colleagues over the years have morphed into your circle of good friends and you know that because you spend time outside of working hours with them. Somehow in the last 10 years, colleagues and friends have turned into the one and the same. 10 years of a shared history, laughs, and stories. So while the working relationships have now been severed, I know the friendships will not.
This however leads itself into one of my biggest fears- how will I ever find a place with such great people that I have been lucky to work with over the years? Surely this can't exist elsewhere.
What I am most resentful of in the date with the Grim Reaper and his cohorts, is that I could not say goodbye to my family. Instead we were ushered out like we had done something wrong, unable to even gather our own belongings for fear we would contaminate the office. This is what 23 years of combined service and sacrifice are worth, not even the simple dignity of saying goodbye.
One thing I have come to take for granted over all these years is how nice it has been to see your 'family' everyday. You know everyone (well except for the revolving door of food things, otherwise know as Customer Service reps), pick up your girls for the morning coffee, share dumb stories with your cubicle mates, and look forward to lunch with your friends, because that's what they are as opposed to colleagues. These colleagues over the years have morphed into your circle of good friends and you know that because you spend time outside of working hours with them. Somehow in the last 10 years, colleagues and friends have turned into the one and the same. 10 years of a shared history, laughs, and stories. So while the working relationships have now been severed, I know the friendships will not.
This however leads itself into one of my biggest fears- how will I ever find a place with such great people that I have been lucky to work with over the years? Surely this can't exist elsewhere.
What I am most resentful of in the date with the Grim Reaper and his cohorts, is that I could not say goodbye to my family. Instead we were ushered out like we had done something wrong, unable to even gather our own belongings for fear we would contaminate the office. This is what 23 years of combined service and sacrifice are worth, not even the simple dignity of saying goodbye.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Sparky's Journey - Still the End
Today's schedule:
10:30am wake up
12:30pm lunch with members of the Dole Club (me, G, C) and an honorary member N
3:00pm Starbucks two for one holiday lattes
3:30pm Go to the office, now located in the living room of G's house. Free parking
4:00pm Visit from good friend CH, employee of LFS
6:30pm Impromptu DIY Pizza party at house of honorary member N.
12:00am Home
Surprisingly, our first full day of unemployment was very busy with activity of the emotional kind - eating, rehashing the events, more eating, being updated on employee reaction as people started figuring out who was laid off etc., Both G and I were flooded with goodbye texts and phone calls from well wishers so much so that we had to re-charge our phones throughout the day. G and I are booked up for next week with goodbye events. It feels like a death only we're still around to enjoy life. Despite the terrible events yesterday, today felt surprisingly good. I almost felt guilty for feeling so good until I got home. Alone, the waves of sadness, emptiness and panic fill my heart again. I guess my emotions will go up and down until I've fully recovered emotionally but with amazing friends like we have, I suspect we will get over this in no time. In fact, it's scary how quickly I'm adapting to this lifestyle. Not bound by deadlines and structure, I've already forgotten what day of the week it is. My brain capacity is already rapidly diminishing. At this rate, I should be brain dead in a few weeks. Oh well what do I need my brain for right now?
I'm grateful for next week's goodbye activities but it makes me anxious because I know soon enough everyone will have to get back to their own lives and G and I will be left to our own devices. This I suspect is when the real depression will hit. I tell myself it's not constructive to anticipate this and in fact, it's selfish to expect the attention to go on even longer than it already has but I can't help it. Unemployment affords you a lot of time to think, think and think which in this case is not a good thing. An interesting phenomenon about being unemployed is that Friday doesn't hold a special endorphin rush for me anymore. It was always one of my favorite days because of the anticipation of the weekend and two whole days off work. When I was doing the 9-5 grind, I'd dream of a time when everyday was the weekend but having experienced this now, Fridays no longer seem special. Maybe in time, I will learn to appreciate this but for today, it just makes me feel sad. Another loss. Sigh.
Tomorrow G's husband has arranged a pedi/mani appointment for both of us. This was such a pleasant and thoughtful surprise. I am so grateful and fortunate to have such wonderful friends. So my schedule for tomorrow: 11:30ish Roll out of bed 1:00pm Mani/pedi appointment TBD tell Mama Park I got laid off Wouldn't be a bad day except for the last item on my schedule. How long can I postpone the inevitable? It's becoming a game now. I've gone two days without telling her. Could "TBD" actually mean 1 month later? 2 months or more?Doubtful. By Monday she may wonder why I'm still in the house at noon. God give me strength.
10:30am wake up
12:30pm lunch with members of the Dole Club (me, G, C) and an honorary member N
3:00pm Starbucks two for one holiday lattes
3:30pm Go to the office, now located in the living room of G's house. Free parking
4:00pm Visit from good friend CH, employee of LFS
6:30pm Impromptu DIY Pizza party at house of honorary member N.
12:00am Home
Surprisingly, our first full day of unemployment was very busy with activity of the emotional kind - eating, rehashing the events, more eating, being updated on employee reaction as people started figuring out who was laid off etc., Both G and I were flooded with goodbye texts and phone calls from well wishers so much so that we had to re-charge our phones throughout the day. G and I are booked up for next week with goodbye events. It feels like a death only we're still around to enjoy life. Despite the terrible events yesterday, today felt surprisingly good. I almost felt guilty for feeling so good until I got home. Alone, the waves of sadness, emptiness and panic fill my heart again. I guess my emotions will go up and down until I've fully recovered emotionally but with amazing friends like we have, I suspect we will get over this in no time. In fact, it's scary how quickly I'm adapting to this lifestyle. Not bound by deadlines and structure, I've already forgotten what day of the week it is. My brain capacity is already rapidly diminishing. At this rate, I should be brain dead in a few weeks. Oh well what do I need my brain for right now?
I'm grateful for next week's goodbye activities but it makes me anxious because I know soon enough everyone will have to get back to their own lives and G and I will be left to our own devices. This I suspect is when the real depression will hit. I tell myself it's not constructive to anticipate this and in fact, it's selfish to expect the attention to go on even longer than it already has but I can't help it. Unemployment affords you a lot of time to think, think and think which in this case is not a good thing. An interesting phenomenon about being unemployed is that Friday doesn't hold a special endorphin rush for me anymore. It was always one of my favorite days because of the anticipation of the weekend and two whole days off work. When I was doing the 9-5 grind, I'd dream of a time when everyday was the weekend but having experienced this now, Fridays no longer seem special. Maybe in time, I will learn to appreciate this but for today, it just makes me feel sad. Another loss. Sigh.
Tomorrow G's husband has arranged a pedi/mani appointment for both of us. This was such a pleasant and thoughtful surprise. I am so grateful and fortunate to have such wonderful friends. So my schedule for tomorrow: 11:30ish Roll out of bed 1:00pm Mani/pedi appointment TBD tell Mama Park I got laid off Wouldn't be a bad day except for the last item on my schedule. How long can I postpone the inevitable? It's becoming a game now. I've gone two days without telling her. Could "TBD" actually mean 1 month later? 2 months or more?Doubtful. By Monday she may wonder why I'm still in the house at noon. God give me strength.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Sparky's Journey - The End Before the Beginning
Today started like any other - rushing to get ready for work after snoozing the alarm a few too many times. Until 11:30 this morning, it was just another Wednesday like almost every other Wednesday for the last 13 years except it was completely different. Somehow I thought if I maintained a consistent routine - wake up late, rush around in the morning, answer useless emails, sip coffee, gaggle with the girls - that I would be exempt from any of the 'transitions' I knew were about to happen in the office. But in my heart of hearts, I already knew that today was going to be different...for me. And so when I sat down in the meeting room face to face with the grim reaper,it didn't come as a complete shock. Even still, I felt I was having an out of body experience, only picking up random words like 'difficult conversation', 'job elimination','not performance related'. The grim reaper's voice became softer and softer as I moved further and further away in thought - about everything from finances to how I was going to tell Mama Park. But most of all, I thought about trying not to make a scene or leave a lasting impression of me as a hot mess. Is that what everyone thinks about when they're being told their life as they've known it for 13 years is over or I am the only crazy one?
Little did I know my work wife had just seen the grim reaper not 15 minutes before me. Could anyone have even written a better plot twist to this story? Life is crazy but as someone said it is the most bitter sweet turn of events. If it has to be this way, it seems appropriate that my work wife and I would go down in a blaze of glory together.
I've run the gammit of emotions: utter sadness, embarrassment, disappointment, fear, panic, all of which culminated in heart palpitations throughout the day. The anger hasn't really set in yet but I'm told it will. If it does I hope it's a short phase. I don't want to waste my energy on anger unless it's essential to move forward in the grieving process. All the advice I've been given so far tells me I should take some time for myself and relax but after being gainfully employed for so long, how does one do that? Unfortunately but thankfully, I have a few unemployed and mat-leave friends who are willing to hang with me from the hours of 9-5pm, previously occupied by something called work which will soon become a distant memory. Day 1 of official unemployment is going to be very interesting to say the least.
I've run the gammit of emotions: utter sadness, embarrassment, disappointment, fear, panic, all of which culminated in heart palpitations throughout the day. The anger hasn't really set in yet but I'm told it will. If it does I hope it's a short phase. I don't want to waste my energy on anger unless it's essential to move forward in the grieving process. All the advice I've been given so far tells me I should take some time for myself and relax but after being gainfully employed for so long, how does one do that? Unfortunately but thankfully, I have a few unemployed and mat-leave friends who are willing to hang with me from the hours of 9-5pm, previously occupied by something called work which will soon become a distant memory. Day 1 of official unemployment is going to be very interesting to say the least.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)